Changes

When you’re willing to make a change in your life, it is only half the challenge– half the battle. The other half is actually moving forward with those changes because if you don’t follow through then nothing would actually change. I moved out of my mom’s about 6 months ago and I was afraid of the change, but I was also excited. I did cry not for obvious reasons at least, but around the same time I was laid off from my two year job as a Florist, granted I was offered the same position with a different company; however, I didn’t like the managements in charge and I wasn’t happy. So I left because I needed a change, I needed a change of scenery, and I needed time to change myself. Emotionally, and I still feel like I’m out of place from all aspects in my life, but I am trying to make it work by not giving in to stress. What does stress me out is sudden changes… The first month of moving out and losing my job plus a guy who never called me back after a week of pure bliss disappeared so it all sucked. I moved out even though I didn’t want to, but I had to leave because I wasn’t happy with who I was and where I was.

When I lost my job, I think it was meant to happen… because I was basically torturing myself seeing this guy everyday at work — who I was in love with for three years dated other girls in front of me while he knew I had feelings for him and he always wanted help for his dates, even though I tried wanting to not be his friend, I helped him out because I cared about him. Stupid right? He told me himself he wasn’t ready for a girlfriend and months later when I left my job there, the last time I visited he was seeing someone and it was official. He told me who she was and it was someone I knew, I didn’t congratulate him nor did I stay to chat with him for very long. I looked back to see if he would, but that’s when I knew I officially had to let him go. He did message me I think a day or two after I had given his one week late Valentine’s Day gift,  saying: “You’re a good friend. You have a big heart and don’t ever give up. Don’t you ever give up.” That sounded like a goodbye, doesn’t it? I said to him: “Thanks. I wont. Promise.” I still wish I didn’t respond to him, but it wasn’t like me to never respond to him.

To choose the change to walk away from the pain is only half the challenge, I’m taking it step by step to get over everything that has hurt me in the past or is currently aching my heart.

I will be happy, I will be amazing.

I’m excited for these positive changes that I need to achieve.

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